We have been heading into the new year embracing the theme of fearless living. We’ve encouraged our clients to consider what they would do if they weren’t fearless and what fearless things have they done that they can share with others to inspire them to live fearlessly. We’ve heard many amazing stories over the past couple weeks and we have been quite inspired by our fans. To live fearlessly can mean anything for anyone. But there are some common themes I think most women relate to. Below is Becky’s story that I think we could all benefit from.
“Hi, Kelly asked us all on Facebook what we are doing fearlessly. I said that I was trying to be fearless in the face of perfection. I am a stay at home mom of 3 kids, aged 6, 3 and 1. I homeschool and attempt to be a good wife and mother, also a good friend and follower of Christ, all while living in a 950 square foot house. :/
I have always enjoyed having people over, having dinners or bible studies in our home, or even just play dates. I say enjoy but what I really mean is that I like the IDEA of it. The before part of it, the during part of it, and sometimes even the after part of it…that stresses me out!!! Not because I don’t enjoy the people who come over or the kids having friends over. It was the stress of cleaning. You know what I mean. The cleaning that you see needs to be done right before someone comes over. The dirty clothes in the doorway, the dirty toilet that hasn’t been scrubbed in who knows how long, and all the dishes piled up. Let’s not forget the bazillion toys that seem to multiply like rabbits and are NEVER in the spot they are supposed to be. Sigh. That stresses me out just typing it!
So instead of dealing with it, I got to where I only let a few friends come over, the ones who knew my mess and didn’t care, or more appropriately worded, whom I didn’t care if they saw it. Actually, I cared then too, it was just they were used to it, so I thought it was OK, or safe. Safe from judgment because I wasn’t perfect like I thought they were.
My mom has been doing a program, I guess you could call it, called FlyLady. Its a website where this lady, Marla Cilley, teaches you how to tame the C.H.A.O.S.(Can’t Have Anyone Over Syndrome) of your home. When she told me about it I thought “That’s me!!!!”
You sign up for the program (which is free), if you want or just go to the website, flylady.net, and you start working on the clutter and chaos, one baby step at a time, adding onto each one once you’ve perfected… Scratch that, until you’ve ACHIEVED doing that step.
The big deal for flybabies (like me) is that it is not a matter of achieving perfection, its a matter of just DOING. Not letting that 7 lettered word, “PERFECT” get in the way of a better 7 (+ 1) lettered word, “PROGRESS.” You jump in where you are, you realize that your place didn’t get cluttered overnight, it’s not going to get cleaned overnight, and I mean really cleaned. I don’t just mean vacuuming the floor and throwing everything into a basket and tossing it into the laundry room so that your house looks put together and presentable. (I KNOW I am not the only one who has done that….right?) I mean really cleaning. Setting up habits that will set you up for success. (Another seven lettered ‘S’ word!).
This morning, my morning consisted of: making my bed, taking a shower, cleaning the tub while in the shower (just wiping it down with a washcloth and shampoo!), wiping my bathroom sink off and out, cleaning my toilet and then getting dressed to my socks and shoes. I am getting off track, those are all things I would do occasionally (the cleaning part, I got dressed every day…pajamas count right?), but now these things are habits of mine. And it takes so little time! Not like it used to before… I get so excited because I am seeing progress for the first time in…..a long time. My house is not that *p* word (perfect) but I am slowly but surely getting there.
I am letting go of the fear that I am the only one who has clutter, or who has a mess in the bathroom or the bedroom. I am also not letting fear stop me from having people over. I do what I can, when I can, setting timers for myself, achieving what I know I am capable of doing, without burning myself out. Now when I have guests over, if it comes up, I mention Flylady and the routines. Instead of stressing about what I forgot to clean that they might see (and know I am human!!! Gasp!!!), or what I have to do when they are gone (everything!!!!), I am able to focus on the present. I can focus on enjoying the time I get to spend with friends or even not stressing about the mess the kids and their friends are making because I know that my fear can either make THEM fearful, or resentful of having to crisis clean (every day!), or I can be fearless in the face of the never-attainable-perfection and F.L.Y – Finally Love Myself.
Here’s to fearlessly FLY-ing.”
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